Attachment Theory: Understanding Child-Adult Relationships
By Kaitlyn Holz, BSc Psycology,
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Have you ever wondered why some children get attached to their caregivers quickly and easily, and other children have a harder time connecting with the same and/or other caregivers? If we look at attachment theory and apply it to our situation, it may be a way to explain why this happens.
What is Attachment Theory?
A psychoanalyst by the name of John Bowlby first described a psychology theory of attachment after researching the effects of separation between infants and their parents (Fraley, 2010). Bowlby hypothesized that when infants exhibited extreme behaviors such as crying, screaming and clinging when they had become physically separated or reconnected with their parent, it hinted to evolutionary mechanisms that increased the chances of a child’s survival (Ackerman, 2018). These were instinctive responses to a perceived threat of losing a primary caregiver who would provide an infant with advantages in survival (Ackerman, 2018).
Further research on this theory gave way to four distinct responses observed when reunited with a parent after being placed in an unfamiliar situation apart from them. These four attachment styles are often discussed today when understanding behaviors in relationships:
1. Secure Attachment: Infants who displayed a secure attachment to their primary caregivers showed distress upon separation and were found to be easily comforted in their reunion.
2. Anxious-Resistant Attachment: In less often cases, infants who were anxious-resistant displayed greater levels of distress when they became separated from their caregiver, and upon reunion, showed both comfort and attempts to “punish” their caregiver for leaving.
3. Avoidant Attachment: Infants whose attachment was deemed avoidant showed little to no distress upon separation from their primary caregiver and ignored or actively avoided the caregiver once they had become reunited.
4. Disorganized-Disoriented Attachment: More recently, researchers observed a fourth attachment style in which no pattern of behavior was easily predicted upon separation and reunion with a caregiver, showing multiple or none of the attachment styles previously listed (Kennedy & Kennedy, 2004).
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These attachment styles are largely a product of the kind of care they receive from their primary caregiver in their early years (Ackerman, 2018). When needs are tended to and addressed as they come, infants are more likely to develop secure attachment styles towards their caregivers. When needs are inconsistently met, or not met at all, the likeliness of other attachment styles developing increases.
What does this tell us about caregiving?
Humans are highly social beings, and feelings of connection and belonging in a group is essential for our survival (Harman-Smith, 2011). These attachment styles influence the kinds of bonds we make with others, and factors into how we feel, act and think towards others (Harman-Smith, 2011).
The social world begins in infancy, and plays a key role in early childhood development, especially in any environment where they are interacting with parents and caregivers (Harman-Smith, 2011). Children’s attachment and feelings of security are important in their later life outcomes (Harman-Smith, 2011). Not only does attachment affect relationships with others, but it also influences how children feel about themselves, and how freely they are able to learn about the world around them (Harman-Smith, 2011).
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Because of these reasons, a child’s attachment style can influence relationships with caregivers, making it easier or harder to connect and bond. However, it is important to note that relationships are not stagnant and can change (Harman-Smith, 2011). As a caregiver, acknowledging that children do have different attachment styles can help us understand our relationships with children, and influence what we can do to make our interactions and environments feel more secure and supportive for them. “All children want to feel safe and secure” (Cooper, Hoffman & Powell 2009), which is why it is important for caregivers, parents, and educators to understand attachment to provide an environment that children can thrive in (Harman-Smith, 2011).
My own experience working with children has certainly taught me valuable lessons and have forced me to reconsider some of my interactions with them. A few summers ago, I was a supervisor at a summer soccer camp that had a different group of children each week. One child in particular, refused to play most of the games, and when they did, would purposefully throw themselves on the ground, pretend to be hurt, and would sit and cry for the majority of the week. It was a normal reaction for me at the time to ignore the attention seeking behaviors this child displayed and hope it blew over. That was never the case. The crying and attention seeking got more consistent and more irritating.
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It was not until one of the camp counsellors I was working with, pulled the child aside when this happened, the noise became quieted. After seeing this interaction with the child and the camp counsellor, I realized that the child was seeking a connection with an adult caregiver at the camp. Realistically, this child was separated from their parents for 8 hours of the day, 5 days in the week. Being in a camp full of strangers and random kids is a scary and unfamiliar environment for a child.
Through understanding how attachment works, I see that this could have influenced the child’s relationship with myself, and others and it helped me see that the child did not feel safe in that environment and needed the extra attention. They were searching for a secure relationship with myself or another adult. This was one instance where I realized I had to consider different ways on how to interact with children, like being more attentive to this behavior rather than ignoring it and empathizing with their situation.
Going back to the point that “all children want is to feel safe and secure” (Cooper, Hoffman & Powell 2000), I think it is important to keep that point in mind whether we are working with children or raising them ourselves, because it is not just children that want to feel safe and secure, all of us do, and we deserve to feel that.
For more examples and information about attachment and how it influences child-adult relationships and interactions between them, visit:
https://gowriesa.org.au/docs/Attachment-Resource-Booklet-E-Book.pdf
References:
Ackerman, Courtney. (2018). What is Attachment Theory? Bowlby’s 4 Stages Explained. Reviewed by Christina R. Wilson, Ph.D. Positive Psychology. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/attachment-theory/
Cooper, G., Hoffman, K., Marvin, R. S., & Powell, B. (2000). Circle of Repair. Retrieved 8 May 2011, from http://www.circleofsecurity.net/assets/ forms_pdf/COS_chart%20cirlceofrepair.pdf
Fraley, R. C. (2010). A brief overview of adult attachment theory and research. Retrieved from https://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm
Harman-Smith, Yasmin. (2011). Understanding Attachment Theory, Emotional Availability and Application in Early Childhood Settings. University of Adelaide. Published by Gowrie SA. https://gowriesa.org.au/docs/Attachment-Resource-Booklet-E-Book.pdf