Caring for Yourself While Caring for Others
Written by Janelle Fyfe - BSW, RSW, MSW student
The concept of self-care is gaining traction and has become a popular talking point for the media, due in part to the additional stressors associated with the current pandemic. An increase in societal awareness has led to a decrease in the stigma surrounding the prioritization of taking care of oneself, but it has also confused the definition of self-care for some. So, what is self-care? Why is it important? And how do parents make time for themselves without feeling like they're being asked to add yet one more thing to an already lengthy to-do list?
Advertisers would like us to equate self-care with self-indulgence, but that's not necessarily true. Self-care is the act of doing nourishing things for yourself [1]. Practices that promote physical, emotional, and mental health can ward off illness and enable us to meet our responsibilities as caregivers. Occasionally treating oneself is a necessary component of leading a happy life, but be aware that over-priced bath bombs, online spending sprees, and nightly Facebook scrolls do not completely fit the definition of self-care. In practice, self-care is less about zoning out and more about looking in. For some, it could mean finally scheduling that dental or vaccination appointment they've been avoiding, committing to a moment of mindfulness, or trading in a critical thought for a moment of self-compassion. Acts of self-care should be a loving gesture to both your present-day self and your future self. They should not be a cause for regret, a means to avoid the small acts of kindness you genuinely need, or create additional stress down the road (for example, when it's time to pay the credit card bill).
Daily self-care practice benefits everyone, particularly parents of young children. Being a responsive and empathetic parent can be difficult at the best of times, but this is especially true for caregivers who are feeling overwhelmed or experiencing stress. Research shows that parents who practice self-care enjoy improved health and well-being and engage less in self-criticism [2].
For children, the benefits of having a parent who practices regular self-care are immense! They often enjoy more positive interactions with their caregiver, resulting in the type of high-quality experiences that reinforce skills associated with learning, forming positive relationships, and leading healthy, happy lives [2][3]. In addition, watching caregivers model self-care behaviours teaches children to prioritize their own health and exercise self-compassion [2][4]. Imagine how much easier your own life might be had your inner voice been cultivated with gentility and kindness, rather than criticism and condemnation.
One important thing to bear in mind is that completing acts of self-care should not be a source of stress or guilt. Start small! Try adding one act of self-care into your day, and be kind to yourself if it doesn't get done (although technically, it did get done because being kind to yourself in moments of imperfection is an act of self-care!) [4]. A few practices that may fit into your schedule include:
-drinking a glass of water when you wake up
-going for a 10-minute walk
-avoiding screen-time 1 hour before bed
-pausing to do a moment of breathwork
-engaging one of your senses (without using a screen)
Taking care of oneself is an essential element of taking care of children. Acts of self-care need not be expensive or time-consuming, so long as they nourish your body, mind, or spirit. While they may not be fun or exciting, these moments of self-compassion can help you to cope with the stressors that accompany parenting and allow you to experience more joy in your interactions with your children [2].
*If you are experiencing a crisis or need additional support or information regarding resources in your area, please call the Distress Line of Southwestern Alberta at (403) 327-7905.
References
1. Lawler, M. (2021, May 19). What is self-care and why is it so important for your health? Everyday Health. https://www.everydayhealth.com/self-care/
2. Kienhis, K., & Avdagic, E. (2021). Parental self-care and self-compassion. Emerging Minds. https://emergingminds.com.au/resources/parental-self-care-and-self-compassion/
3. Alberta family wellness initiative. (n.d.) Brain architecture. https://www.albertafamilywellness.org/what-we-know/brain-architecture/
4. Child Savers 100. (2020, August 11). Self-care for kids by age: everything you need to know. https://www.childsavers.org/self-care-for-kids-by-age/