How Childhood Friendships Shape the Brain Forever

By Rouaa Ahmed, B.Sc. Neuroscience Undergraduate Student

Friendships are a fundamental part of life, whether from childhood playmates, school friends, or lifelong companions; the connections we form shape us and how we navigate the world. If you have been following Building Brains Together, you know we emphasize the importance of social play and strong parent-child relationships in developing executive function. But social play isn’t just about parents and children; friendships also play a crucial role in shaping young minds, and their influence can last a lifetime. In this post, I will explore how different types of childhood friendships, both supportive and challenging, contribute to emotional growth, mental well-being, and the development of executive function.

The Lasting power of Early Friendships:

Research shows that early childhood friendships, even though mostly play based, are crucial in building essential cognitive, social and emotional skills that children carry into adulthood (Holder et al., 2015, p. 83). These friendships foster the coping mechanisms, self-regulation and emotional resilience that lays the foundations for our executive function development. In fact, early childhood friendships are one of the main determinants of baseline of executive function in adults (Burr et al., 2020, p. 1457).

Early childhood friendships also have incredible impacts on an individual’s well-being. They contribute to our happiness and social confidence, reinforcing a sense of self-worth and emotional security that promotes long-term well-being (Holder et al., p. 88). However, not all friendships are made equal. In fact, both positive and challenging friendships play a significant role in determining executive function (EF) skills in adulthood, shaping cognitive processes such as impulse control, working memory, and problem-solving abilities (Burr et al., p. 1460). While adverse friendships can have negative impacts on an individual’s executive function and put them more at risk of loneliness.

Positive friendships:

Positive friendships are friendships that provide children with a sense of emotional security and promote both cognitive and social development. They create a safe and supportive environment for children to learn emotional regulation, problem solving and communication skills that extend far beyond childhood. For example, problem-solving and cognitive flexibility gained through play help children manage disappointment, frustration, and academic challenges in school. Strong friendships also encourage prosocial behaviors like kindness, cooperation and empathy which supports social adjustments later in life and future success in adolescence and adulthood.

Beyond social and academic benefits, positive early friendships are linked to lower rates of loneliness and depression. They strengthen a child’s sense of self-worth and contribute to improved mental, emotional, and even physical health. Interestingly research also suggests that friendship and happiness have a bidirectional relationship, children with close friends are often happier, and happier children, are more likely to build and maintain strong social connections (Holder et al., p. 90). In other words, a child who feels supported and valued by their peers grows into a happier, more confident adult, better equipped to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and fulfillment. While supportive friendships lay a strong foundation, relationships that involve some level of conflict or challenge also have surprising benefits.

Challenging friendships:

Challenging friendships may involve minor conflicts, misunderstandings or emotional ups and downs, but they still offer positive and valuable opportunities for growth and learning unlike adverse friendships which are harmful and toxic. Challenging friendships really put our social cognition and emotional intelligence to the test. Research suggests that children who experience a moderate amount of conflict perform better on tasks that require them to interpret others' mental states and intentions (Miller, et al., 2020, p. 88). This is because navigating disagreements and misunderstandings requires children to analyze emotions, predict reactions, and adjust their behavior accordingly. Over time, these experiences help them differentiate between accidental and intentional actions, a key aspect of social intelligence and emotional regulation.

Interestingly, this effect is particularly evident in girls, as their friendships often involve deeper emotional discussions, negotiation, and higher expectations for trust and support (Miller, et al., 2018, p. 402). While emotionally taxing at times, these friendships help children build strong interpersonal skills, emotional maturity, and the ability to adapt to complex social situations, skills that are crucial for healthy relationships and success in adulthood. However, not all friendship experiences are helpful. When conflict becomes persistent or harmful, these relationships can have long-term negative effects.

Loneliness and Adverse friendships:

While some challenges in friendship are healthy, others can be persistent and damaging. Adverse friendships are characterized by chronic conflict, imbalance of power, emotional distress and other harmful social dynamics. Recognizing the difference between a challenging but supportive friendship and an adverse, harmful one is crucial for children, parents, and educators alike. Adverse friendships can make it more difficult to form strong social bonds later in life leading to loneliness and social disconnection (Burr et al., p. 1459).

How to Help Foster Positive Friendships in children:

If you're a parent or educator, there are many ways that you can support children in confidently navigating their social world. One of the most effective ways to foster meaningful friendships is through intentional, structured programs that encourage children to stretch and develop their social and emotional skills. A great example of such programs would be school-based, and community play programs like those offered by Building Brains Together because they create safe, engaging spaces where children can learn to connect, with familiar and new friends and learn and grow together. It's equally important to teach children about the impact of their actions and words, helping them develop empathy they can carry into adulthood. By guiding them to build healthy, respectful relationships, we can help prevent the kinds of negative social experiences that often lead to loneliness later in life.

Research also highlights the importance of early interventions that provide enriching and emotionally safe environments. For example, Deakin University’s study on Cottage by the Sea programs found that positive childhood experiences, such as fun, relationship-building activities in safe settings, can foster social development and lasting peer connections into adulthood (Paatsch et al., p. 15).

Conclusion:

From playful bonds on the playground to tough moments in emotionally complex relationships, childhood friendships shape who we are and how we grow. Whether joyful or challenging, these early connections help develop the cognitive and emotional tools children need to thrive. By nurturing healthy friendships and recognizing the signs of harmful ones, we can help children build the foundation for stronger minds, healthier hearts, and more resilient, friendlier futures.

 REFERENCES

Burr, J. A., Han, S. H., & Peng, C. (2020). Childhood friendship experiences and cognitive functioning in later life: The mediating roles of adult social disconnectedness and adult loneliness. The Gerontologist, 60(8), 1456–1465. https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/gnaa055

Holder, M. D., & Coleman, B. (2015). Children’s friendships and positive well-being. In M. Demir (Ed.), Friendship and happiness (pp. 81–97). Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-017-9603-3_5

Miller, S. E., Avila, B. N., & Reavis, R. D. (2018). Associations between theory of mind, executive function, and friendship quality in middle childhood. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 64(3), 397–426. https://doi.org/10.13110/merrpalmquar1982.64.3.0397

Miller, S. E., Avila, B. N., & Reavis, R. D. (2020). Thoughtful friends: Executive function relates to social problem solving and friendship quality in middle childhood. The Journal of Genetic Psychology, 181(2–3), 78–94. https://doi.org/10.1080/00221325.2020.1719024

Paatsch, L., McCandless, T., Molla, T., Mooney, A., & Moss, J. (2024). The impact of Cottage by the Sea: From ripples to waves. Deakin University. https://hdl.handle.net/10779/DRO/DU:27048553.v3