Managing Big Feelings
Children experience a wide range of emotions from happy to sad to angry and everything in between. When these big feelings come up, it can be helpful to have some ways to manage or cope with these big feelings. Coping is something that most of us do instinctually when we are faced with daily demands; our feelings, thoughts, and behaviours all respond to help us get through these moments. The coping skills we develop and use can be seen as helpful and productive or unhelpful and unproductive. For example, when angry, a child may begin to hit or throw toys; this can be seen as an unhelpful coping skill as it may relieve the anger in the moment, but does not relieve it long-term. A more helpful coping skill could be redirecting the child to hit a pillow, drawing out their anger, or taking some slow deep breaths to regulate their nervous system. As a child grows, their cortical functioning increases which helps them with problem-solving, self-control and figuring out which coping skill may be helpful given their situation (Frydenberg, Deans, Liang, 2021); this is why it is so important to help expose children to multiple helpful skills when they are younger to ensure they have a large “toolbox” to pick from later in life.
In an article by Frydenberg et al. (2021), they address the importance of teaching children at early ages about coping skills through a research-based parenting program. Their research demonstrated that teaching children a range of strong coping skills can help them with their overall wellbeing, increase their resilience, and help them deal with challenging life circumstances in healthy ways both now and in the future (Frydenberg et al. 2021).
Some healthy coping skills that you can try with your child/children are:
· Creating a coping skills box which has images, activities and items to engage your child’s senses & remind them of their skills
· Breathing exercises (practicing slow breathing with bubbles, trace a square & slowly breathe in on one side & out on the other)
· Engaging in drawing out feelings
· Engaging in yoga
· Encouraging quiet time to read, sit, watch tv, or play a game
· Tense & Release different parts of your body (tighten up your fists for 5 seconds and release)
· Squish a stress ball
· Scream into a pillow
· Mindfulness
· Changing body temperature with cold or warm water
Blog Post author: Rebecca Smith, MACP, Registered Psychologist, Counsellor, Family Ties Association
References:
Coping Skills for Kids. (n.d.). Deep Breathing Exercises for Kids. Retrieved July 20, 2021, from https://copingskillsforkids.com/deep-breathing-exercises-for-kids
Frydenberg E., Deans J., Liang R. (2021). Developing Coping Skills in the Early Years: A Positive Educational Approach). 369-393. In: Kern M.L., Wehmeyer M.L. (eds). The Palgrave Handbook of Positive Education. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-64537-3_15