The Impact of Childhood Trauma on Individual Adult Relationships
By Stephanie Blay Muah, BSc Neuroscience,
Childhood trauma can impact adult relationships in a lot of different ways. With the right support, recovery from traumatic experiences is achievable. People who have experienced trauma during the early years of their lives may experience relationships with adults in a different way. A child may experience the feelings of not being protected or shy away from conflicts. Childhood trauma is very common, more so than you may think. Studies show that about 15% to 43% of girls and 14% to 43% of boys go through at least one traumatic event by the age of 18. Of those children and teens who have experienced trauma, 3% to 15% of girls and 1% to 6% of boys develop PTSD (VA.gov, Veteran Affairs, n.d.).
Childhood trauma can occur when a child witnesses or experiences overwhelming negative events in childhood. These negative events may occur in relationships such as with abuse (sexual, physical), assault, neglect, violence, exploitation, or bullying (Blue Knot Foundation, 2023). Another form of abuse may be abandonment. Not everyone who has experienced childhood trauma will have difficulties forming adult relationships because everyone experiences life differently and from different perspectives. What might be traumatic for someone may not be for another.
There are many ways that childhood trauma may impact adult relationships, one impact can be weakened attachment to caregivers. Attachment allows children the 'secure base' necessary to explore, learn and relate, and the wellbeing, motivation, and opportunity to do so. It is important for safety, stress regulation, adaptability, and resilience (Rees, 2007). You can develop a secure attachment with your baby through nonverbal emotional interactions such as reassuring touches, attentive eye contact, and a warm, affectionate tone of voice (Frothingham, 2019). During these early years, if children do not feel secure or safe with their primary caregiver, they tend to develop lack of trust in their adult relationships in the future. Children who were neglected or abandoned by a caregiver often struggle with fears of abandonment long into adulthood, even if they are unaware of these fears on the surface level. While the underlying fear is that the partner will eventually leave, these thoughts often reveal themselves in everyday situations such as getting scared when a partner goes out by themselves, or being unable to self soothe if a partner leaves the room during an argument. This fear can often be manifested as jealousy, or in extreme cases, possessiveness.
Another way childhood trauma may impact adult relationships is dismissive-avoidant attachments in adults. Also referred to as “insecure avoidant”. Children usually develop this attachment style when their primary caregivers are not emotionally responsive or attentive to their needs. Children learn to pull away emotionally as a way of avoiding feelings of rejection. As adults, they become uncomfortable with emotional openness and may even deny themselves their need for intimate relationships. Individuals place high value on independence and autonomy. They develop techniques to reduce feelings of being overwhelmed and defend themselves from a perceived threat to their “independence.” These techniques include, shutting down, sending mixed messages, and avoiding. These coping techniques end up becoming detrimental to their adult relationships (A, 2022).
Furthermore, another way childhood trauma can impact adult relationships is understood through the neurobiology of attachment. As products of our own environments, adults will often find themselves repeating the same behaviors witnessed in childhood. This is because the neural pathways developed from childhood traumatic experiences shape the same response with others. This is not meant to place blame on caregivers for the types of relationships you might have as adults. Increased awareness of your own attachment style can help you take those first steps towards improving your relationships as an adult. This awareness can then help you move towards developing a more securely attached relationship with those around you. (A, 2022).
In conclusion, there are many other ways childhood trauma impacts adult relationships. Please see the attached links of articles that can be helpful to further understand the impact of childhood trauma in our adult life and relationships and how to we can navigate through our past negative experiences with the right help, in order not to have negative impacts on our children. Remember, reading these articles is a step towards healing.
Understanding the impact:
1. https://thebetteryouinstitute.com/2023/01/03/childhood-trauma-impacts-adult-intimate-relationships/
2. https://www.powerofpositivity.com/adult-relationships-childhood-trauma/
3. https://www.mentalhealthcenter.org/how-childhood-trauma-affects-adult-relationships/
Healing:
1. https://www.makinwellness.com/healing-from-trauma/
2. https://www.betterup.com/blog/childhood-trauma
3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/mindful-anger/201804/9-steps-healing-childhood-trauma-adult
4. https://medium.com/practical-growth/healing-from-childhood-trauma-7f5b979a2631